The Day I Became Rascal Organiser v1.0 (beta)

2 days in Simpleville and my life expectancy has been reduced by half...erm actually at the rate the kids are driving me nuts, I will probably be dead by next tuesday... thursday at latest. Ever met 30+ kids whose collective purpose in life is to kill their PE teacher? And whenever me *the mo gui jiao lian* managed to tire out one platoon of evil enemy troops, the bell rings and their reinforcements pours in.. fresh legs with seemingly greater dose of hatred in their eyes.. aarrggghhhh.. reminds me of the D-Day landing scene in Saving Private Ryan.

The following are the interesting short takes:

Top ten PE siaming excuses: (1) Menstrual cramps (2) Menstrual cramps *(3) and (4) as well, I am seriously thinking of charting their cycle!* (5) Cher, previously sir always let us play games/read books/go Orchard/stab this knife into ur back during PE lessons (6) Stomachache (7) Cher, forgot to bring PE T-shirt/shorts (9) Headache (10) Cher, I dun wanna run on grass, my shoes will get dirty *personnally this one takes the cake*

There are TWO short-cuts for the 2.4 route round the school.. darn should've smelt a rat when an entire class clocked sub 5 min timing for 2.4.. gggrrrr.....

The boys toilet beside the school hall DO NOT have a shed of toilet paper!!! F**K!!

The bloody floorball ball is not kept together with the sticks. Only AFTER I have ARMED my entire sec 4 class with floorball sticks did i realise that I DON'T know where the ball is... without the ball - the next obvious target, of the ARMED devils, is.... erm ME. Heh luckily i was saved by this nicey gal who got the ball from the ECA room.

I said the Pledge and sang the national anthem for the first time in .. erm... like forever *since young, I have discovered that lip synching to the music is effective in fooling stupid teachers into thinking that I am singing my heart out* Heh I must admit that I sang due peer pressure from me buddy!! Sigh.. but no matter how hard we two try to sing, its impossible to cover up for our 600 lip-synching students.. thus is norm for the Principal or the Discipline Master to request SimpleVille for an encore meaning every morning the students to get to lip-sync to the national anthem twice.

There are two ways to open the staff room door: (1) Stand outside waving frantically looking stupid or (2) Remember the 6 pin code. I prefer the latter method. However as my memory retention period is abt 2 mins, I usually end up doing the former.

The Discipline Master is bloody fierce! Every time he screams at students to tuck in their shirts, I always uneasy check to see if mine is tucked in.

I wanna master "The Glare". Heh i overheard a teacher saying that it is effective against rowdy students.. other methods currently being deployed include (1) Making them stand till their legs break (2) Making them stand on the chair and raise their arms to support the overhead computer projector *I kid u not, I saw this today* (3) Holding them back during recess or after school. (4) Using their PE period for make-up lessons

I realised that if I leave my house 10 minutes later (i.e. 630 instead of 620), the journey will take 30 minutes more!!

3 consecutive periods playing floorball games can kill an old man like me.


Heh there are some silver linings: me HOD is like one of the nicest, most patient and loving teacher I have seen; talking to him, I really feel his love for the kids, which extends to the ultra problematic ones as well. Somehow I feel he relishes the challenge of problematic kids and really really try to help/save those he can. And me Buddy is one hell of a nice guy! I got to be his younger brother *heh technically more like a leech/parasite for these past 2 days, devising defensive strategies against the evil students. Haiz will miss him once his contract ends. Then there's this batch of NIE trainees on practicum phase, nice people *heh in case any of u reading this* ... but i didnt get to interact with them too much.. they sit a little far from me desk. In addition I have 3 wonderful track runners! Seriously, I am hearten by their love for running, and great attitude shown! They are probably the only students who really listened to me for these 2 days. I am probably going to make them my Long/Mid Dist Capt & Sprint Capt.

Oh well me short term goals would be (1) To have more command and control during my PE lessons (2) To be able to get actual teaching done for my Science lessons (3) Form up the track team and set the culture/tone. Hope I get my laptop soon soon!

The Day Ma bought Robin, Mikael & Bonny home

If you are reading this Ma, although we are good friends, I must categorically state that I too do not approve of your relationship with your new partners. Especially so when u are a teacher who should have strong morals and is expected not give in to your whims and urges. We have always known you to have slight nymphomaniac tendencies, but to have 3 active partners (and I do not have to remind you that you already have a boyfriend) is simply disgusting! I don’t approval of casual pre-marital physical relationships, much less with 3 different individual at one go! I prefer that you do not mention you new found partners in my presence, and I think you are a bad influence on kids with your display of physical affection IN PUBLIC!

Please speak no more of Robin and stop ogling at him in front of me, the way you touches him in public leaves little to the imagination. I could see the people around us shaking their head in disapproval; frankly seeing a woman of your age fondling a sturdy strong and virile young lad… Ma, Robin’s young enough to be your son! Saw your eyes light up the moment you laid your lusty glance at Mikeal! My blood boils whenever I see Mikael. He’s tha worst of the lot: cheap, spineless and so easily pushed around, you ignore all these and just base your feeling based fully on physical attraction, lust and you love of his colour?!! You even have the cheek to say Mikeal suits Robin perfectly, goodness talk about deviant relationships!

Okie, apart from having multiple partners in Robin and Mikael, you up the deviant index by having Bonny join in the fray. I have personally met Bonny. Admittedly she really looks sweet and innocent in blue. She’s huggable with her sexy curves. But that is no excuse for bring her to the bed room after less than an hour of acquaintance!! It sickens me to see how ma was busy fondling her! You guys should have seen it, Robin to her left and Bonny to her right, oblivious to a sizable crowd that had formed.

Goodness knows what close physical r/s exists between the four in Ma's bed room. Spare me the graphic details. And to think that it has never crossed your mind to get protective rubber of any kind! These are paid mercenaries Ma! I mean being impulsive is one thing, but reckless to the point of stupidity? Giving in wantonly to your human instinct urges really sickens me.

Seriously, I must say that I am really disappointed with Ma over this incident. I pity Pa; he has been with ma for like close to 5 years and is probably still kept in the dark! Also I knew that Ma got into an argument with her mother over this. I know Auntie to be the conservative kind, one of strong traditional values and she did state her strong preference for cusoms. Haiz, I wonder how auntie took it. For certain I know Auntie definitely does not approve of Ma’s relationship (especially the physical aspect). Auntie repeatedly tried to reason with Ma to stick to one that’s a perfect fit you know, one which will suit Ma best and not hang around with Robin, Mikael and Bonny in an obvious deviant relationship arrangement. I just pray that I shall not be the person to break the news to Pa and that he will not take it too hard.

Super Heroes

This was something that happened quite a few months back... but its so darn funny that I needa blog it. Ever thought about what super power would you really like to have? The following is me friends' wishlist.


The Teleporter! - Pa's choice.. must be cos ma live so fucking far from him. I have gotten our scientist to make modifications to his existing helmet to add in the teleport function

The Influencer! - Jie's choice.. haiz poor jie seldom is able to influence other pple's choice.. and usually ends up being influenced instead..

The Predictor! - Bubble Boy's choice.. Toto, 4D, Mahjong.. need I say more? A wise choice my son...

The Invisible Man! - Alphamale's choice.. u noe sneak into enemy compound to steal top secret documents.. rescue hostages.. important stuff like these *ooohhhh fingers cross nobody realise the.. erm "fun things" that can also be done*. Darn but me friends downgrade this power's usefulness by claiming that the invisibility can only work when nobody's looking at me.

The Vanquisher! - Ma's choice.. so she can kill me. But ah ha! I can turn meself invisible so her power's useless against me...

The Sniffer! - Anal Boy's choice... so he can help The Vanquisher sniff The Invisible Man out and she can vanquish him.

The Man Differentiator! - Pesky Jack Russell's choice. Just when we thought The Sniffer was useless.. along came The Man Differentiator! The Man Differentiator is able to to differentiate if a guy is good or bad (if taken in context at that time, it means if the guy is a good or bad partner i.e. bf/husband)... duh! The team decided to get The Influencer to influence The Man Differentiator to marry a bad guy!

** Thanks to some loserly friends, who chose useless powers, our goal to save the world is in jeopardy.. wonder if nice vilian Mr Magneto is willing to trade some of his mutants for my Sniffer & Man Differentiator. Wanna join my team? What would U wish for?**

The Day I Had Dinner With My Mother-In-Law

Yes, heres how a simple stress-free evening jog with Jie degenerated into a mini-scale highly-stressful meet the parents session! The jog was a bloody last minute thingy.. had like 30 seconds to prepare.. I think me, the unemployed, is top on everyone's "losers to call if lonely" list. The jog was good. A short FAST one - which almost killed slowey. Hmm I must say Jie has somehow managed to turn running into a kind of Extreme Sport. Heh ask her about the thread-mill incident.. think she should take up sky diving or bungee jumping instead, safer.

Then Jie informed me that she was cooking dinner for her family, which suddenly made me very glad that me mum had already prepared dinner for me. Saw her home and then thought since I am already there, might as well go pump up the gym-ball. Somehow Jie managed to convince me to agree to eat a little, her exact words were:" Di eat a little lahz, I cook very fast one. By the time u finished, my family NOT back yet." We set the table, laid the dishes and sat down to eat.. thats when the downward spiral began..

Even before I managed to decide which dish is actually edible.. I heard the tingling of keys and the front door opened.. in pop Jie's sis-look-alike.. her mum! Arrgghhhh!! Then Jie prep rice for her mum.. and horror of horrors.. instead of sitting beside jie, auntie sat beside me!!!! So there I was stuck in the middle auntie on me left and Jie on me right *not tt I can tell the difference*. Then the tingling of keys AGAIN.. and in pop Jie's Eldest brother! *Arrgghhhhh!!! by now i am looking like a red lobster.. awkward, embarrassed and stressed, I was desperately plotting me escape, pondering if it's possible to swallow me food, plate, fork & spoon in one gulp* LUCKILY Jie's brother didnt attempt to sit on me right.. nevertheless I was frantically trying to recall if the knife welding brother was Da Ge or Er Ge.

Then came the table talk: Auntie said "Bu(2) yong(4) ke(4) qi(4).. duo(1) chi(2).. xiang (4) shi (4) zi(4) ji(3) ren(2) le(4)" I almost swallowed me spoon. Then auntie ask about me job at the cafe.. to which i replied tt I am gg to be a teacher.. and she voiced her approval of it! Wow a few more minutes and we will be talking abt setting an auspicious date, dowry and betroth gifts. I got a feeling that auntie feels that 2005 is a good year for ALL her children to wed Da Ge, Er Ge and Jie! Heh but smart me managed to finish me food fast fast and escaped to the kitchen to wash me plate!


*I must state that this posting has been overly dramatised... and Jie's family members are some of the nicest people around! Also uncle will not want a son-in-law who keeps pumping up his nemesis Gymball! Heh nothing pleases him better than to deflate the gymball *twice in 2 weeks* and even auntie has noticed it!Nevertheless managed to pump up Jie's gymball after dinner. but Jie, think I will seriously advice u to release some air from it... think i overdid it*

Simpleville

Adding a new character to me blog.. or rather a new place - Me new school!!! Yes Simpleville is really a small set up. But its a good place ot start up as any! Everybody's new here.. the principal.. the HOD of PE.. everybody's nice and patient with me a newbie! Haven't seen much so will up u guys as I go along.

Darn.. as a role model, I resolve never to do the following within a 2km radius of Simpleville: (1) Scold vulgar language.. fuck man better start recognising me school uniform.. never know where the little racsa... I meant nicey kids will pop up. (2) Jay walk (3) Pick my nose in public (4) Shake leg (5) Compete against pregnant women/old folks/kids for empty seats on buses (6) Tuck me shirt out (7) Throw rocks at birds/cats/dogs/old women (8) Smoke (9) Stuff bits of paper/litter into cracks on the wall (10) Be late for school and hiding at the void decks to escape from the prefects.

The Day I Realised that PE Teachers Really Do get Picked Up

Today I saw:

01. A sad msn nick. (Haiz.. why is it when love ends, the void is many a times filled by hatred? Buddy cheer up!)

02. 17 emails in my inbox telling me that I have 17 new comment entries on my blog. (Bloody Fishbowl!)

03. A hunky freestyle swimmer. (Should see ma drooling over him manz)

04. My new school's general office phone number on my missed call list. (Heh.. talk to me new principal... fierce fierce)

05. The most slack & casual corporate dress code. (Refer to "Jie")

06. An Adidas warehouse! (Wow everything 30% off!!)

07. A cute little kiddie. (Heh who grabbed Ma's hands by mistake)

08. A bloody confusing shopping layout. (Beach Road Army Market, darn got lost and almost cldnt find me fav bag selling uncle)

09. The World's Loudest Whistle. (Going for $7... handy against pesky students)

10. Love. (Okok.. most likely lust. there was this sweet looking sales assistant with nicey eyes.. so sweet I cldnt think of a good retort to her joke and stood there looking stupid)

11. A hunky fireman, sitting in the 2nd row on the left of the firetruck. (Should see ma drooling over him manz)

12. The bloody anit-drugs advert, again. (Qi shi wo men geng bie de youngsters yi yang. Bai tian wo men shi students.. wan shang wo men shi brothers.. wo men you zi ji de rule.. wo men try E, K Smack)

Things About Me!

Yes!!! This blog is about me! Me! Me! Me!! Its a shrine I build for myself!! Its a URL I keep sending to all me friends non-stop!! Heh still trying to figure how to create a worm that will get me friends to forward the url of me blog to all their friends!! Just did one of the online quiz ur friends thingy! Wow scored full points.. a great feat considering I do not know that person.. heh yes, I am a sucker for quizes. Decided to do something similar here, not in a quiz format but in a Q&A form.

Qn 01: How many dogs have I owned?

THREE! The 1st was a black short sauage look alike thingy! That was when I was vvvv young. The 2nd was me favourite. It appeared one morning at me door step; incredible considering I live in a HDB flat. Brought it to the poilice post.. and when i returned from school, I found out tt me mum had claimed it from the police post! Sob.. but it ended up really sad. If i keep a list of life's regrets, this would rank among top 3. Somehow I worked out that we cant keep it and I returned it to the police post *tearing, sob*. If I could do it all over again, its would be different. The 3rd was this stray dog tt ended out behind me grandma's shop house. Another brief stay cos the owners claimed it back.. ggrrrr.


Qn 02: How many instances of strange encounters have I had?

TWO! The one which most of my hostel friends are very familar with is my talking tigger... wooo hooo hooo hoo! It started talking on its own one morning. I thought it was me roomie playing a trick on me; tt was till i realised that he was still sleeping on his bed. Till now I really hope its just a malfunction, that orangy thingy is still in me cupboard, if anyone wants it just ask. The 2nd instance was at Ron's ECP chalet. Ron, Anal Boy, butt head and meself were playing bridge in the wee morning hours, when the freaking SLIDING door behind me slammed shut on its own!!! Darn. *Okie if this was a trick played on me, u f**kers better own up*


Qn 03: Am I left or right handed?

Well this is a tricky one. I think I was borned left handed that's till me uncles/aunties decided to convert me to a rightie.. grrr... tt explains why i brush teeth with me left hand, wear me watch on me right hand and have f**king ugly handwriting!


Qn 04: Whats me favourite number?

4 & 19. For jersies I usually take 11 as i normally play on the left flank. Yes I am a right footer who plays on the left flank. Why I always play on the left flank (in any game/sport)? Seriously I don't know.. I just have this natural drift left tendency.. vv strange..


Qn 05: How many businesses have the entrepreneurial me started?

TWO. Yes yes the first one fail and the 2nd one is in the process of failing! *grrrr*


Qn 06: How many times have I taken the driving test?

Erm seriously I have lost count. I know I flunk 3 times for the class 4 driving test in army (where the pass rate is >90%). As for civilian class 3, I think I flunk 4 times, once in BBDC and thrice at Ubi Comfort (this' considered really bad cos I took under school!). So total is SEVEN. Okies I think i have proved beyond doubt that I am an awful driver.. heh on the flip side, I can drive a 3 tonner, land rover, unimog, car and motorbike!!! Wow Wow.


Qn 07: Top 5 habits which I personnally consider to be anal/disgusting.

(A) Extreme preference for squatting type toilets when shitting; especially in public washrooms! To use a sittting type means to risk having the bacteria fill water splash up to my butt. When using the squatting type I usually face the opposite direction to avoid the splashes (I think only the Taiwaneses know how to correctly design squatting toilet bowls). When using sitting type, I needa first lay down tons of toilet paper! (Heh to friends whose toilets I have graced.. the mystery of the disappearing toilet rolls is finally solved)

(B) Drooling in my sleep.

(C) Always going for the seat third row from the back on the left hand side of the bus! I love to people watch, and I consider this to be the best seat available.

(D) Packing my room/table/cupboard/shelf.. every 2 hours.

(E) Confguring the "quick launch panel" and "my computer" for all me friends' computers I can get my hands on.


Qn 08: Top 5 things I suk at

(A) Maths * I think I still hold the record for NJC Science Stream*
(B) Driving
(C) Sit Ups
(D) Giving Speeches
(E) Playing all kind of musical instruments. Yes my singing suck too.. *sob*


Qn 09: Top 5 things that pisses the shit off me

(A) People being angry with me.
(B) People Ignoring me.
(C) People who breaks off halfway in arguments/discussions
(D) Finding something, I really wanna wanna buy, sold out.
(E) Missing the Bus


Qn 10: Top 5 things that make me happy

(A) Smell of suntan lotion
(B) Having a fufilling discussion/chat
(C) Getting nicey snail mails from friends
(D) Sun Rise/Sun Set
(E) People being happy with me


Qn 11: Top 5 things I am proudest

(A) My friends *aawwwwwww....esp loserclub & me hall friends*
(B) Getting Captain of the Year
(C) Getting onto the Dean's List
(D) Topping my entire standard for Science when I was in Pri 5 *yes yes roomie u top ur school's standard overall and for most subject every year!! Grrrrrrrr*
(E) Writing and directing a play which won NJ Playhouse

The Day My Mother Promised to Buy Me a Condo

My mother has found the best way to trap me into having a conversation with her. She waits for this opportune moment every morning - when i am trapped in the kitchen toilet shitting and reading TODAY's newspaper. Grrr.. there is no escape.. resistance is futile. This morning's conversation started with "Ah boy, me promise to buy you a condominium.. WHEN I touch big sweep" *Yes, she really said that, I kid you not!!* Duhhhhh!!!! It's incredulous.. me mother never cease to amaze me with crazy illogical thoughts. I meant I would expect her to know that I want a sports utility vehicle more than a condo *Yes I live in a family which can't grasp the concept of betting odds*

Met Ma and Jie for lunch @ 1pm. Still can't believe I got lost in Junction 8 looking for Pasta Mania. Passed the Boob-shaped timer to Ma.. Jie left us early and went to get skin cancer by blading @ 3pm in ECP. Darn.. me next appointment was @ 645 with Bro @ Suntec.. wat to do in the mean time... Heh although I had to endure physical (kicking/pinching/punching) and psychological (her shouting molest and wanting to bring me on a bra buying trip) abuses, I am grateful to Ma for letting me stick to her like a leech for 2-3 hours in Orchard! =)

Ma finally couldn't take me anymore and decided to deposit me with Pa/Airforce Boy/Anal Boy at Suntec City. *Pa if u are reading this, Ma waste money again & bought a new yellow top from Esprit* Thus we took this City-Buzz ($1 fare) from Orchard to Suntec... seriously it wasnt a good ideal.. traffic was crawling, after 1/2 hours we alighted and walked the rest of the way. Hmm.. then we had a vv nice 2 hours talk @ e food court in Suntec; discussing about our hall alumni outing.

Next I met Bro @ abt 6pm to go get his gf's camera. And wow we each bought ourselve a 3-in-1 printer *Print/Scan/Photocopy* @$99 cheap cheap but the downside is that its an Epson Ink-Sucking Monster & the bloody usb printer cable's not included. Think it prints damn slowly also. Was seriously considering a laser printer $199 Fuji Xerox.. but the toner is $115 leh.. a little ex. Well thats all to me eventful Sunday. Tomorrow's a packed day! Needa call me principle! Good nite!

The Day I Received My School Posting

Whoa hoo.. the posting letter finally arrived! Yes thats the highlight of me saturday. Went Queensway with Queen. And TYR warehouse.. darn, disappointing place. Firstly the stuff there not cheap.. then this lady keeps following me around.. grrr.. I said "Erm.. it's okies, I'll look around myself".. then she took 2 steps back and followed me from a distance!!! Okies I am rushing to blog me Sunday's escapade! So I shall leave you with the following bits:

Side track: Me ex-gf wanted to be a banker.. and against all odds she did! Wow! I am really proud and amazed by her! Wish her well!

In new age wisdom FEAR stands for: Face Everything And Recover!
But aged old wisdom suggests otherwise: Fuck Everything And Run!
-Adapted from Bag Of Bones, StephenKing.

The greatest distance in the world is not between life and death nor heaven and earth.. it is me standing in front of you and you not knowing I love you.
-Adapted from Super Sunday. Hmm think I have seen this quote from MIRC before. Wow do you guys know that Ah Niu really liked Li Xin Jie before?!! During his university days!

Bet You Upsize!

Probably only people in the inner circle will understand this title. Yes the time has come for another bo liao bet. We have tried: How long will they last? Will they break up before/after XX date? Is there a fork in this cuppa instant noodle? Will they get together? Does coming in 6th in the 800m walk get you a medal? Yes we are that boliao. Won & lost a few upsized macdonalds meals... heh in fact I won this very motherboard from a bet! And now we release the details of our bet:

Bet: The order of Loser Club Members getting married.

Winnings: To be decided.

Formula:= Sum [ 2 * │Actual Position - Predicted Position│]


BRO
01st Jen
02nd Xiao Wen Zi
03rd Ron
04th Ah Neh
05th Mr Toh
06th Butt-Head
07th Big-Head
08th Bro
09th Alphamale
10th Anal Boy

Alphamale
01st Jen
02nd Xiao Wen Zi
03rd Ah Neh
04th Ron
05th Butt-Head
06th Big-Head
07th Mr Toh
08th Bro
09th Alphamale
10th Anal Boy

The Day I Went IT Fair @ Suntec A*L*O*N*E

First, I must admit that alphamale had been Lazyyy... laziieeeeeeee! Growl.. alpha not lazy... no.. alpha never wanna hurt master... noooo.. ITS HIM!!! He wants precious for himself!!!! Hsstt!! He wants to steal master's precious!! -Okie in addtion to being extremely lazy this week, I have also been suffering from a Lord of the Ring withdrawal syndrome.. poor smeagol. So the following is a short take on blog entries that never got beyond the title phase:

08th Mar: The Day I Bought 70 Vitamin C Tablets *yes.. I was this sick*
09th Mar: The Day I watched LOTR III - The Return of the King *and tons of other vcds*
10th Mar: The Day My Happiness Index Fell A Little

Cancelled me morning swim with jie to get more shut-eye time and also to pack up me life. Went for a short swim at SPAN-JOMS in the late morning. Plus point: There is the water heater in the shower room. Minus point: Cos e shower room is on the 2nd level, to get there u have to walk through the freezing lounge & climb up the freezing stairs.. in your swim trunks. Guess this being a Police Club House, the facilities are designed with macho hunky police officers in mind.. and not scrawny me! Grrr.. Left me story book *Sleepyhead* at the pool side.. luckily got nice auntie to pass it to me through the fence.

Met Fishbowl for lunch. Spent most part of it bickering.. so I can we can say its a good lunch. Then its off on a lonely journey to town. Suntec- Royal Sporting House. Gotta spend the coupons me got from me frens for me birthday! Grr coupons are a real torture.. I prefer hard cash.. reminded meself to give out totally useless coupons for the next few birthdays that come along.. "Oh here u go Arnold, your $80 coupon to spend on anything you want @ Victoria's Secret"... Oh by the way anyone knows how and wanna go to TYP warehouse?! Needa got there to get me PE gear.

Then its off to IT Fair @ Suntec City.. for us geeks its an annual pilgrimage kinda thing u noe... where we get to talk to babes *chio sales assistants* who would avoid us every other day of the year. Nothing much there, but its worth a look for those looking fro thumbdrive/MP3 players/Router and Networking Products/Babes in short skirts.

Feel I am falling sick again. Hmm... 27 Vit C tablets will do the trick.. yes I do not understand the meaning of moderation .

The Day I Sold My Ikea Arden Pile Rug

As wasted days goes, today tops the cake. Was sick and spent me day on me bed *yes the sleeping bag which wraps around a thin exercise mat qualitfies as a bed* I hate being sick.. can't run/swim/blade/do core muscle training. Hmm I thought there is an unwritten rule somewhere that say PE teachers have immunity to sickness.. I can imagine my mucus dripping into me whistle while I try to blow for a foul.. boy I will be in such foul mood.. pity the kids that will be under me heh.

Finished "Scaredy Cat" by Mark Billingham. A little too slow for my liking. The pace only picks up at the end. Yeah sold my Ikea Arden Pile Rug on Yahoo auctions.. cheap but me in the mood to sell everything I have! I want an empty room... okies an empty room with a sleeping bag that wraps around a thin exercise mat as a bed.

My Words (I)

Hmm this is a complilation of qoutes tt I thought up of. Its good to be prepared early u noe, in case I needa run for President, be the first Singaporean in space or defend myself against some murder charges. *No doubt the last being most likely*

Because life is so unpredictable.. because time can never be turned back... because happiness can be so fleeting.. because not all dreams are meant to be pursued.. because those who touched our lives are always in such a rush.. because relationships can be so fragile.. therefore we cast our feelings all aside therefore we lock the door on both sides.

I admit life's a constant struggle. But I have seen ordinary people overcome seemly unsurmountable odds. I know and accept that hurt and pain are part of living life but more importantly I know that they make us stronger, make us cherish and appreciate life. Therefore I simply cannot find it in myself to believe that we have come so far just to give up.. just to lose.

Grant me strength to face tomorrow's challenges, and the courage to always do what's right.

Planning, lesson #1: Base the best case scenario on probabilities and the worst case scenario on possibilities.

The Day Ma Poked Anal Boy in the Eye

I am surrounded by clumsy and violent friends whose sole purpose in life seem to be to inflict physical pain. Usually on me. Heh luckily this time round its on Anal Boy. And the irony of it all is that Anal Boy was the most hardworking, helping ma cut her 5cm squares.

Spent my first 15 waking minutes observing how Bro resist all attempts by his 2 handphones to wake him up. Me afternoon swim was foiled by strong winds, rain and the evil security guard who refuses to let me swim in a pair of shorts. Had a happy dinner with Ma & Jie at Swensens. Went over to Jie's place.. thats when Ma tried to kill anal boy.

Okies today's posting shall just be a record of today's series of events... me think me falling sick. Nite!

Characters You Will Meet in This Blog

In This Blog You Will Meet

Alphamale, who happens to be me. And I have the weird habit of refering to meself as a 3rd person.. so beware.

Ma, aka Tiger. Evil trainee teacher.

Pa, aka Helmet Boy. One of the nicest person I have met.. thus everyone gets this inherent urge to bully him.

Jie, aka Slowey/Piece-Of-Shit.

Anal Boy, who seems to always be in anal and caustic mood. But deep deep down inside *u needa a hammer & a chisel.. erm okie a sledgehammer* he is a nice guy. Not one to bring on a trip to a deserted island though.

Fishbowl, weird.

Shuqi, who is normally the first person I chat on MSN with every morning. I love telling her the wonders of life while she slogs at work! Gorgeous female*. *Brains not included. -kidding-

Agent Cup A+, who is really quite anal - she actually wraps her soft tops in plastic to stop them from getting dusty. Yes and she still bears a grudge against me for giving her the "owl" soft toy in 2002!!

Roomie, aka Mr Toh. Spent 3 years sleeping with me. Yes our hostel policy does seem to promote homosexuality, but my petition for have a female room mate was thrown out. He is part of the clinical experiment to find out if one can survive on nothing but Instant Noodles.

Bro, aka Jerk. Yes dunno why all girls seem to fall in love with him. Alway call me brother and then allocate me the toughest job in a freelance project, unleashes his hyperactive ultra horny Jack Russell upon me or get me to repair his evil laptop.

Butthead, who's definition of Karaoke Session is one which friends gather to hear him sing songs tt nobody else have heard before. Fave number is Ai(4) De(2) Zhen(4) Hao(3).

Big-Head, description: pls refer to nick. Seriously I must say he's a sniper's dream come true

I-d-i-o-t, who's dumb enough to bet with me on the msn "mine-sweeper" game. She lost and thus had to change her nick to I-d-i-o-t.

Queen, who's so similar to Ma! Heh caustic humour is hard to find nowadays. Definitely one to spend ur bumming time with.

Airforce Boy, yay an impt fren cos he got C*A*R.. oohhh all friends with cars automatically get promoted to "best friend" status.

Simpleville, the school I am currently assigned to.

Carebear, when Ron told me about this guy who is: a waterpolo player, from ACS, rides a bike and selected for the hall pageant; wow! I thought he wld be damn seh! Then.. along came this carebear lookalike thingy...whose speciality is to devour all food in sight. Heh maybe not seh, but still a super nice guy nevertheless.

*Will add more characters along the way!*

The Day I Went Devil's Bar

Went clubbing for the first time in 1 and a half years!! Dun play play I wore jeans and shirt *first time in 6 months*.. I have learnt my lesson after e time when jie led me in an attempted charge at the indochine bouncer with me in my slippers, shorts and collar T-shirt.. needless to say I was thrown out. Another stay over session, me & bro at butthead's place. Even as I type, bro is trying out his newly acquired massage skills on butthead.. heh I dun think a massage master who constantly refers to his massage instruction manual inspires much confidence.. oh well better butthead then me.. though think it will be awhile before he gets to walk again.

Yeah me bro taught me some core muscle strengthening techniques hopefully they will help me in doing a good head stand... got to learn the yoga shoulder stand heh.. hmm its useful to have bro around *as long as he doesnt attempt to break my back/leg with his massage skills*

The Day I Had Morning Swim With Jie

Morning swim at last. But the pool's really crowded.. almost crashed head on with this freestyle swimmer. Bummed me day away feeling sleepy... vv sleep; came to the conculsion that morning swims are for pple who are employed.. so they can slack and feel sleepy during office hours. The unemployed aka ME.. will only ended up sleeping our precious slack time away, GRRR.. Hmm visited the PPT website.. need 9 points to pass!!! Oh my gosh... better learn the headstand/cartwheel fast! Went for a run in the late evening. Okies me think me hitting me tolerance limit for doing nothing.

Analysis of Top Auditing Firms

PriceWaterHouseCoopers: The guys whose keyboards have no hyphens or spacebars

KPMG: Nobody in the company noes wat e 4 alphabets stand for

Deloitte & Touche: Nobody noes the correct pronounciation. Didnt help when "Tohmatsu" was added at the end recently... making it impossible to pronounce

However, an important point to note is that having a sensible name doesn't guarantee success e.g.: Andersen.

Smells that Make People Happy

Posting some old stuff I found on my computer. Years ago while alone on an mrt ride, I encountered this whiff of suntan lotion which suddenly made me vv happy. Thus I begin me mini survey among my friends:

Alphamale: Sun-Tan Lotion
Roomie: Swimming pool breeze
Bozo: Galfriend/fresh lemons
Pei: Smell of rain
Nixiuh: Shampoo
Agent Cup A+: sun-baked clothes
Ma: Smell of Babies
I-D-I-O-T: Lamb *stuff toy*

The Day I Finished Solitaire Mystery

Hmm.. it has been a gloomy rainy day. Nothing notable happened. Brought I know who to I know where. Went CK Tangs and bought a life-time supply of underwear and Carrefour to x-change my blading guards to L size. Finished the Solitaire Mystery, quite a good book. I leave you guys with the following quote:

"My advice to all those who are going to find themselves is: stay exactly where you are. Otherwise you are in great danger of losing yourself for ever" - Jostein Gaarder - The Solitaire Mystery

*Hopefully interesting things happen tonight that I can update this blog with*

Update 10:00PM - Me bathroom light got busted.. darn needa sacrifice my 2nd last blue coloured light-stick. Blue colour light-stick := SGD$4.24; Able to ensure ur ass is wiped clean after shitting := priceless.

The Day with the Boob-Shaped Timer

This entry was supposed to be entitled "The Day I Slipped Down A Flight of Stairs". I thought the day could not get any worse, that was till I met the "Boob-Shaped" timer *seriously it really does look like a pointed boob.. will post a pix of it if I am not too lazy*!

The day started with a heavy down pour which washed out me & Jie's morning swim. Of course my trusty alarm clock wasn't informed and duly exploded at 0630am!! Thus with my sleep cycle ruin, I drifted in and outta sleep till my trusty alarm clock NO. 2 aka Mum was activated. By now the skies kinda cleared and I had a short swim.. interesting things i discovered: 1. TPY swimming pool is opened at 0630 for morning swims 2. An adult stored value card can be purchased at the counter. Next, a friendly tip for all wearing cheapskate trail slippers: STAY IN DOORS ON RAINY DAYS!! After me swim, on my way to meet Fishbowl for lunch, I slipped and fell down an entire flight of stairs. Crap! In my haste to eacape this malu scene, i lost one of me fav towels. Luckily till now i have not noticed any breakage or big open wound but there's this big bump on me shin.. haiz hope there's no hair line crack.

Decided to be a nice kid and went IKEA to get Ma a timer! Thats when I met the evil Orange Boob-Shaped Timer! All was fine till I left IKEA and shop at Queensway. I was bumming around looking for shoes thats when it occurred to me that I have not tested the timer.. I noe that Ma will surely kill me if the bloody thingy doesn't work. Thus if you had seen a weirdo listening intently to a Orange Boob-Shaped Object in the middle of Queensway Shopping centre, yuppos tts me! To my horror the bloody thingy doesnt work!!! Sighz so its back to IKEA.. get the refund tix and grab a working one.. simple? WRONG! I tested 1.. it rang before ZERO.. decided to be smart and tested 4 different ones at a go.. one rang.. but the question being WHICH ONE??!! Had to improvise and winded up 4 different ones and placed them at different areas... and ALL rang before ZERO!!! As by now a sizable crowd has gathered, observing me fondling numerous Orange Boob-Shaped Objects.. tt vibrates.. I decided to settle on the one with the lowest zero error and zoomed out.

Bought me blade guards at Carrefour PlazaSing!! Bloody hell wrong sized, too small so needa go tomorrow to exchange. I am never ever gg to consult Jie on accessory sizes any more! Hrmph~~ I got a feeling that she thinks I am sized SMURF! Grrrr.

The First Day of the Rest of My Life

Today marks the first day of the rest of my life. Thus what better time to pen down my thoughts. My tutor once said a man should do 3 things in his life: The first is to plant a tree. Only then can he be amazed by how one so small can bring into being something so strong huge and sturdy. The second thing is to bring up a child, because only through one's child can one see a true and perfect reflection of oneself. Lastly, a man should write a book; this is to tell the world what his life is all about.